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Thursday, October 2, 2008

OK, But What Would Karnak Say?


When there are no more pundits to ask, or talking heads to question, or so-called experts to interview, it only makes sense that the media would descend into the cellar of credibility and seek the opinions of....

....psychics?

From The Politico: Psychics: Stars Not Aligned For Palin

Well, that about seals the deal for me. If those who make a living at predicting the future are saying that Sarah Palin's karma is kaput, then the election is surely over. Here's some of the story:

"Well-known psychic Elizabeth Joyce has doubts there will be an election this November. Her instincts tell her that, come next week, there might be “rioting in the streets and martial law” and that President Bush will henceforth carry out his term indefinitely.

"But that’s next week. Tonight, there’s a vice presidential debate. And Joyce’s predicted outcome runs closer to conventional wisdom on the much-anticipated matchup between Sarah Palin and Joe Biden. She believes that the debate will ultimately go a long way in determining the next president, and that Biden will take the day so long as he doesn’t push her too much."

Whoa!!!! Back up there, Nelly! Did Elizabeth just say that there will be riots in the streets and martial law next week, resulting in a suspended election? Holy smokes! Is that the October surprise?? Why isn't that the headline of the story? Oh wait, let's not get ahead of ourselves here - one crisis at a time, you know. The riots won't start until next week. Sort of like going to a doctor for an ingrown toenail and discovering you have stage 4 cancer, and the doctor saying "hold on now, sure you're terminal, but dang it, YOU'VE GOT AN INGROWN TOENAIL!!!!"

OK, sarcasm off. More article now.

Joyce, whose website claims she was “born with the authentic gift of psychic ability,” was one of a handful of prominent psychics Politico surveyed to get a better “sense” of how the Palin-Biden matchup might shake out. According to their occult minds, Biden has the edge and, ominously, the moon and stars are not aligned in Palin’s favor.

Deanna Fitzpatrick, a Reiki Master from Biden’s home state of Delaware, also got the vibes the senator would win. Her psychic instincts tell her that during the debate, Palin “should take some pauses, instead of trying to answer too quickly. I think she’s going to struggle at that. I think she’s going to have a tendency to grab at things too quick and she just has to take her time.”

A Politico reporter predicted that Fitzpatrick was a supporter of the Obama-Biden ticket; she confirmed the premonition.

Before the Thursday evening debate, the gang over at Psychic Source TV (self-promoted as “the nation’s oldest and most respected psychic service”) will do a debate preview, the first of its kind they’ve done.Psychic Moira O’Dowd, numerologist Paige Kelley and “not just a tarot card reader” Therese Baxter broke it down for Politico on Wednesday.

When asked how many customers have asked them questions about the election, O’Dowd said that they’ve gotten quite a few requests to do astrological readings of Obama and Biden, but not really any of McCain. “Maybe that’s an indication of our client base,” O’Dowd said.

Notice the last line? Most of the requests for astrological readings are for Obama and Biden, but not nearly as many for McCain. I thought Obamaniacs were enlightened, educated and intelligent. Hmm. Turns out, some are just plain ol' nutjobs.

Palin is an Aquarius, which, O’Dowd said, means she’s free-spirited, free-thinking, innovative, outspoken and articulate — "although she hasn’t shown that lately.”

That means Mercury’s retrograde could really stultify Palin. “There’s a slight astrological possibility that Mrs. Palin would pull out. ... Or she maybe just have one of those long Ms. South Carolina pauses,” O’Dowd said, referring to a notorious and excruciatingly embarrassing beauty pageant flub that occurred in 2007. She pegged its likelihood at 50 percent.

“It should be very interesting," she said. "With moon square Neptune, it is going to make it problematic for her to find her words.”

Man, don't you just hate that moon square Neptune condition? Granted, though, it's a lot better than when comets circle Uranus.

Overall, the consensus among the psychics was that the presidential race has at times been too unpredictable for them.

“I am a very good psychic, but every four days everything has changed for me in the last month and a half,” Baxter said.

Yeah, like after every four days, the effects from her drugs wear off. Talk about cover. (*UPDATE* Today must have been the fourth day. Sarah done pretty good!)

Enough of that. The Church is wise to teach that it is very sinful to seek answers from psychics, Ouija boards, astrology charts and horoscopes. And as it turns out, it also makes you look downright stupid.