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Friday, July 31, 2009

The Illustrated Progressive Catholic Alphabet, Part II

(Click here for Part I)

Are you a progressive Catholic blessed with children grandchildren young nieces and nephews who are showing interest in the Catholic faith, and you want to make sure they don't grow up orthodox? Or do you lead Children's Liturgies at your Catholic community, and are seeking a fresh new text with which to indoctrinate educate your young impressionable charges? Well, AoftheA Publishing has the perfect book for you! It's the Illustrated Progressive Catholic Alphabet! Help that young person you know learn their ABC's while discovering the creative and spirit of Vatican II-filled world of progressive Catholicism.

Here is Part II of the Illustrated Progressive Catholic Alphabet:

F Fundamentalists


Fundamentalists are Catholics who celebrate Church where the priest has his back to the congregation, and they don't permit girl altar servers. As the above picture shows, they're more concerned with lace, statues and tradition, than letting the laity actively participate. They use words like "Catechism", "Magesterium", "Orthodoxy", "rubrics" and "sin".



God(de) is invisible, and is everywhere. God(de) created everything. God(de) can see everything - that's God(de) looking through the clouds, looking at you! God(de) used to be a "He", but now it's more enlightened to think of God(de) however you want!. God(de) used to be hateful and judgmental in the Old Testament, but when Jesus came, God(de) became loving and tolerant.

H Hierarchy

The Hierarchy is a group of celibate old men who prohibit discussion on groundbreaking theology, prevent women from coming priests, seek to control every aspect of a Catholic's life, and are fearful of science.

I Indulgences


Indulgences are a medieval practice making a bit of a comeback. In the past, the Church would grant a person points towards salvation if they donated money. Today, one only has to say a few prayers and perform acts of devotion (and maybe slide some extra bills to the bishop!), and sainthood is right around the corner! The skeleton in the picture represents a poor person who should have gotten the money instead of the wealthy bishop.

J Justice, social


Social justice is the single greatest Christian virtue. Ever. Jesus was all about social justice. Nothing else matters. One way to better promote social justice is to tax the really wealthy. Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta is one of the most famous social justice workers of our time.

K Kumbaya

If there's any word that says "Love" more than "Love", then it's Kumbaya. Getting along with other people, that's Kumbaya. Feeling good about oneself, that's Kumbaya. Not being made to feel guilty about one's actions or lifestyle, that's Kumbaya. To be fully Catholic is to have Kumbaya in your heart.

L Latin


Latin is a dead ancient language that hardly anyone understands nowadays. Eucharist used to be said in Latin, but since God(de) understands English, we do Eucharist in English today. Jesus never spoke Latin either. Latin is still the "official" language of the Hierarchy, which is one reason why few people understand what they talk about.

Part III of the IPCA (letters M-S) will be released sometime soon.