The Dr. Seuss Bible

Imagine you're sitting in Church, and the lector approaches the ambo for the 1st Reading. He clears his throat.

"A reading from the book of Genesis....

In the beginning, God created.

The rules were established. The physics translated.
In the nothing God shouted, "Let there be light."
He created the first day, and thus made the night.
Then the waters, the sky, and the land from the seas
upon which He placed all the seed-bearing trees.
Then the seasons, the stars, and the moon and the sun
then sea creatures, birds; the Lord made each one.
Next came the beasts who covered the land
and all that God saw was as good as He'd planned.
Though everything here is within My control,
its missing a piece to make the earth whole.
A man in My likeness, to rule all the beasts.
To govern the greatest and govern the least.
God took up His dirt, and He took up His dust
and then in the swiftest, most powerful gust
He blew into Adam the Godbreath of life.
But God realized Adam needed a wife
to be a companion, for man was alone.
So from His new man, God plucked out a bone.
So there in the new and glorious earth,
out in the open, woman was birthed
and as they lay gasping from being created
unto the woman and man God related,
"This is My Earth, but I give it to you.
It is now yours to rule and subdue.
Multiply, prosper, for I love you best."
He saw it was good. So God took His rest.

It's from the Bible In Rhyme. I did not make this up.

Unlike the following...the untold story of Noah's sons Shem, Japheth and Ham. IMHO, it's one thing to strip God's Word of its power by rewriting it, which the Bible in Rhyme does. We are not to add or subtract anything from Scriptures, which the Book of Revelation tells us. But since I'm not purporting this "untold story" as canonical, why not have a little fun?

I am Shem.
Shem I am.

That Shem-I-am
That Shem-I-am
I do not like that Shem-I-am!

Do you like
Japheth and Ham?
I do not like them, Shem-I-am.
I do not like Japheth and Ham.

Would you want them here or there?

I would not want them here or there.
I would not want them anywhere!
I do not like Japheth and Ham.
I do not like them, Shem-I-am!

Would you like to meet our pop?
Would you like to help us chop?

I do not want to meet your pop.
I do not want to help you chop.
I do not want them here or there.
I do not want them anywhere!
I do not like Japheth and Ham
I do not like them, Shem-I-am!

Would you help them build an ark?
Would you like to strip the bark?

Not build an ark
Not strip the bark.
Not meet your pop.
Not help you chop.
I will not want them here or there.
I do not want them anywhere.
I do not like Japheth and Ham
I do not like them, Shem-I-am!

Would you? Could you? In a tent?
Meet them! Meet them! There they went!

I would not, could not, in a tent!

You may like them. You will see.
They are standing by that tree.

I would not, could not by a tree!
Not in a tent! You let me be!

I do not want to strip off bark!
I do not want to build an ark!
I do not want to help you chop!
I do not want to meet your pop!
I do not want them here or there.
I do not want them anywhere!
I do not like Japheth and Ham
I do not like them, Shem-I-am!

The rain! The rain!
The rain! The rain!
Could you, would you, in the rain?

Not in the rain! Not by the tree!
Not in a tent! Shem! Let me be!!

Would you, could you, in a boat?

I would not, could not, in a boat!

Okay. How long can you float?

I've always like limericks, too....

There once was a prophet named Jonah
Who just wanted to be left alone-ah.
He sailed off one day
But God said "No way!"
And got caught by a really big tuna.