....yes, it's the 2010 Winter Games: The Progressive Catholympics. Where everyone's a winner!!
The United States is expected to give a good showing at the Winter Games, fielding a strong and well-balanced team. AoftheA had the opportunity to interview the president of the US Progressive Catholympic Selection Committee, Dr. Harry C. Blackmun.AoftheA: Talk to me about the U.S. team's strengths.
Dr. Harry C.: We expect to do very well in Liturgical Ice Dancing. We've assembled the most creative, expressive group of liturgists on skates for this year's games. Many have years of experience directing Call-to-Action liturgies.
AoftheA: Where else?
Dr. Harry C: I would be very surprised if our Verbal Gymnastics team didn't perform well this year. The qualifier rounds were tough, but in the end, the editorial staff of the National Catholic Reporter beat out America and Commonweal. I don't expect much competition here, except for perhaps the team from Great Britain - they've got The Tablet, so they might push our team.
AoftheA: Excuse me, Doctor, but Gymnastics is a Summer Games event, isn't it?
Dr. Harry C: Hey, we're progressives! We do what we want when we want - we are our own authority!
AoftheA: OK then. Let's move on to other events. Reports are that the US faces tough competition in the Biathlon.
Dr. Harry C: Well, first of all, a correction is needed. The International Progressive Catholympic Committee (IPCC) has changed the event to make it more inclusive.
AoftheA: More inclusive? How so?
Dr. Harry C: It's now the Gay-Lesbian-Transgendered-Biathlon. And let me say that the mens' outfits are simply smashing, and the women are fired up and angry, eager to shoot anything that moves. I think we'll do just fine in that event.
AoftheA: How about the Schi-ism Jump? Who's your top jumper?
Dr. Harry C: Ray Bourgeios has been consistently landing impressive jumps. He's also headlining the Freestyle Schi-ism-ing team. We're very excited.
AoftheA: What has been the biggest challenge for you in assembling the U.S. team?
Dr. Harry C: Getting the LCWR on board. They were adamant in their refusal to wear the uniform - kept saying that Vatican II no longer required to wear them. In the end, though, I was able to persuade them to join the team.
AoftheA: How were you able to do that?
Dr. Harry C: Compromise, of course. They agreed to wear the uniform if the IPCC allowed them to design the Catholympic torch.
AoftheA: There have been unconfirmed reports regarding irregularities in judging, perhaps some nations may distort their scoring matrices against other nations they don't particularly like. Are you afraid that that might happen this year?
Dr. Harry C: Not at all. In fact, the IPCC has eliminated all judging this year. We're firm believers that it's wrong to judge others.
AoftheA: So how will it be determined who gets the Gold, Silver and Bronze Felt Banners?
Dr. Harry C: We only have Gold Banners, and everyone gets one. It seemed fairer that way.
