It's A Dangerous World Out There!

Safety is important, right? Air bags in vehicles are a good thing, and goalie masks have protected many a face. By and large, applying common sense probably takes care of 80% of life's situations, beyond which we need obvious safety measures - like the US military, or the TSA, or the FDA. Actually, maybe I'll just stop at the US military.

And somewhere, the guy who created the "Do not use in water!" labels attached to every electrical appliance, like hair dryers and toaster ovens, made a fortune because people don't apply common sense while they go about living. Money could be saved, and government could be shrunk in size, if it weren't for that label. But a lot of people might be killed! you say. Not as many as you might think - the Darwin Awards act as a free, funny PSA on the deleterious effects of not applying common sense.

Another deleterious effect are unions. While it's true they advocate for important health and safety regulations in the workplace for the protection of their gravy train members, their influence sometimes crosses that common-sense line. In order to gain a foothold in industries and services where they haven't had success infiltrating, they play the "health and safety" card. When combined with governmental nanny-statism ideologies, common sense packs its bags and heads for saner pastures.

For instance, take a look at this story in the Telegraph.co.uk: Clergy Seek Protection From Health And Safety Laws


With her no-nonsense approach, the Vicar of Dibley would have taken such 'dangers' as scalding tea or rickety pulpit steps in her stride.

But facing hazards such as crumbling vicarages and fallen gravestones, clergy are no longer prepared to rely solely on the divine for protection.

They are calling for health and safety rights, which have been criticised for encouraging an overly cautious culture, but which they claim would add to their safety in the workplace.

While the clerical life might not seem to warrant such legislation, Unite, a trade union that represents priests, claims that their lives are being put at risk.

To back up its case, the union has compiled a dossier of accidents which have befallen unfortunate clergymen and women in the line of duty: They include:

* Clerics stumbling on fallen gravestones;

* Tiles falling off a roof and causing injury;

* A vicar's wife receiving an electric shock from faulty wiring in a vicarage.

In one of the more bizarre examples, the Rt Rev Graham Kings, the Bishop of Sherborne, saw his sermon set alight by candles as he stood in the pulpit.

"I remember thinking these candles are quite dangerous, I need to stand back when I preach," he said.

"As I picked up my sheet, I was shocked to see that the corner had caught fire."

I had no idea how deadly the vicar's workplace was, did you? It's a veritable deathtrap! Who knew that candles are quite dangerous? That they might burn things! Someone better put a plexiglass shield around those candles right now, and install extinguishers on the ambo! And fallen gravestones! Why, why they must fling themselves in the path of the vicars as they walk through the cemetery. I would think they watch where they walk, or get the stones removed, but that's not enough.

Sheesh.

The Health and Safety Gestapo left their mark at my home parish several years ago, installing safety rails around the sanctuary, which is four whole steps higher than the rest of the church. A wheelchair access ramp was also put in. No communion rail, but plenty of handrails. The sanctuary looks like Olga Korbut's training facility.

But I don't think they went far enough. The confessionals only have one door - they really need to have an emergency exit out the back. And the baptismal font ought to have a lifeguard on duty, or at least a CPR instruction manual nearby. The altar servers ought to wear fire-protective clothing during the processional, carrying those "dangerous candles". And the parish ought to provide a back support belt to the server who has to carry the cross. Oh! I almost forgot! Ergonomic floormats! There needs to be ergonomic floormats at the altar so that the priest has proper support during consecration.

Our churches must be made safer. It's important not only for our priests and bishops, but for the congregation as well. So many of them already feel safe knowing they won't hear any hard truths from the pulpit - they might as well be safe while sitting there.