My mom used to say "95% of stuff you worry about never happens." Well, that was all fine and dandy, but what about that other 5%? Even that paltry amount was enough for me to start wringing my hands.
And you know that Serenity Prayer? "God, grant me the courage to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference"? Pfft. To me, the more I tried to not worry about stuff I couldn't change, the more I worried. It was the old 'Whatever you do, don't think about pink elephants!' game. No matter how hard I tried, my mind focused more keenly on what I struggled to not think about.
Now that I'm all growed up, I can honestly say, by God's grace, that my worrying days are behind me. I can't pinpoint to a specific day or event and declare "That is when I was freed from the captivity of worry!" Like all things spiritual, it's a journey. I reached the point in my faith life sometime ago where I recognized that God is in control, and that He always was. That doesn't mean I'm not responsible for my actions, or that I lack full exercise of my free will. It doesn't mean my life is all peaches and cream - I have my crosses to bear throughout this vale of tears just as everyone else does. It just means I'm trusting God in nearly every aspect of my life.
Nearly.
There's still one thing that I always worry about - it's not cancer, or terrorism, or the economy, or an asteroid strike, or anything like that.
It's wind.
We live on a little lake, so any westerly wind seems to accelerate across it before slamming into our home. If the forecast calls for 20 mile-per-hour winds, it's probably closer to 25. Towering behind our home stands a mix of poplar and evergreen trees - ranging between 40'-50' tall. So when the wind blows...
(View of our backyard - not shown are about 10 more trees to the left)Whirling around inside my head are back-and-forth arguments as the wind blows -
Rational Me: "These trees have withstood the winds for many years. Chances are good that they will not be snapped in two this time."
Worrying Me: "Ah, yes, then that only means they're past due for being toppled over and sent crashing through the roof."
RM: "But they're healthy and not infested - their roots are deep."
WM: "You see how they're bending over like a giraffe trying to drink from a waterhole? Who cares about the root systems?"
RM: "It'll take more than 20-30 mph winds to knock any of those trees over, you know."
WM: "Yeah, but they're predicting gusts up to 40!"
On and on it goes. And so it happened today - a front has been blowing through Michigan all afternoon, with winds gusting at 40-45 mph. Right now, they've subsided a bit, down to 25-30, but the rustling and creaking still have me on edge. It's silly and pointless - what power do I have over the wind, after all - but for whatever reason, I just can't seem to shake this galeaphobia. When the wind blows like this at night, I have difficulty falling - and staying - asleep.
St Paul, in one of his letters, wrote of how he prayed three times for God to remove a 'thorn from his side', and God refused, telling him that it was for his benefit that he suffer and struggle. Perhaps this is a thorn - my trust in the Lord is not as full and complete as it ought to be, and this worry-wart attitude is manifestation of that reality. God is showing me that I need to trust Him totallly, that even if my worst fears were to materialize, it's all according to His plan.
I'm not worried because of any potential damage our home could suffer - that's why there's homeowner insurance. The inconvenience of repairs, or replacing stuff isn't what preoccupies me. I think what worries me is the helplessness. Part of the hardwiring for husbands and fathers is to protect the family - so perhaps the reason for my worrying is the possibility of physical harm coming upon my wife or sons, should a tree or two poke its head through the shingles, or thrust a few branches through the large windows.
So maybe it's more a case of being concerned rather than being worried. Which makes me feel slightly better. Either way, this is still out of my control. But that doesn't mean there isn't anything I can do about it. One of the great things about being Catholic is that we can call on our Guardian Angels for their assistance. So on nights like these, I pray that, if it be God's will, for each of our angels to stand guard at each corner of our property and protect us. It's worked thus far...
