(AoftheAP)Preliminary reports leaked out of the Vatican indicate that a new Apostolic Visitation will be announced in the coming weeks. Curial sources requesting anonymity have told AoftheA that this latest visitation will "dwarf in scope and size the Apostolic Visitation currently investigating women's religious communities."
The focus?
Orthodox Catholic bloggers.
Spurred by the recent AP News article Catholic Bloggers Aim To Purge Dissenters published on October 22, the new Pontifical Council for the Promotion of the New Evangelization is discretely making preparations to launch the A.V.
The first order of business? Get access to the Internet - if and when they do, it is believed they will initiate the process of investigating orthodox Catholic blogs and their contributors.
A source told AoftheA in an off-the-record conversation that the CDF approached the Pontifical Council to get the ball rolling. "Frankly, the CDF got rather miffed after reading the article - rooting out heretics is their business, and they're upset that some of the uppity laity have taken it upon themselves to embark on this purgation. The CDF feels it makes them look like they're not doing their job."
Unconfirmed first drafts of the visitation reveal that the Pontifical Council will model the investigation after the current Apostolic Visitation. This will be accomplished in several phases.
First - a review of the quality of life of Catholic bloggers.
"We must ascertain that those who are blogging are actually living an authentic Christian life," said one unnamed member of the Council, "and not just inhabiting the basement of their parents' home, unemployed and lounging about all day in their pajamas. So - are they praying? Do they ever go outside and engage the world? Are they practicing good hygiene habits?"
Second - to learn more about the ways in which bloggers contribute to the welfare of the Church and society.
"This is not as tricky as it sounds," the anonymous source said. "Basically we'll look at whether or not they critique sites such as Commonweal, America and National Catholic Reporter enough. I think everyone will agree that that alone contributes to the betterment of the Church and society. Oh - and adequate mocking of Pelosi, Biden and Kerry will be a bonus, too. However, anyone linking to Vox Nova won't be considered."
Third - blog content.
"The Council is looking for blogs that utilize best practices and methods - satire, irony, parody, humor, photoshopped images, RED and BLACK fisking, cute cat pictures with funny captions, images of nuns in habits, a potpourri of popery - these elements will be high on the Council's list. We call it the Joy Factor - orthodox blogs tend to incorporate more humor than the heterodox ones, for one simple reason. They laugh because they believe."
The question remains, though - what will happen to the blogs that are investigated? That is still unclear. Perhaps the visitation is just a pretense in order to learn of heretics heretofore unknown. Perhaps some blogs will receive a nihil obstat and imprimatur, but more than likely, the only result will be the CDF getting the best ideas on how to set up their own blog.
"They really like the waving Pope on 'The Curt Jester'," the source said, begging not to be named. "And those photoshops at Sancte Pater? Great stuff. Photos of birds and feeders? Well, they're willing to overlook content like that."
Finalizing the details of the Apostolic Visitation may take months - assembling the team and appointing an apostolic visitator are rumored to be underway at this very moment. Once the team is assembled, they will start researching the orthodox Catholic blogs that demand investigation.
AoftheA was told that a preliminary list of blogs has been started, and the Council will gladly accept suggestions. "The blogs highlighted in the AP article will most certainly be looked at," the source said. "Your readers are invited and encouraged to suggest blogs worthy of visitation, or perhaps volunteer their own if they so desire."
Instant "Acts"ess
