Okay, I made up the racist bit, but the rest of the story is unbefreakinlievably true. I kid you not.
From The Telegraph
Mr Obama will arrive in India on Saturday for the first leg of an Asian tour.
But as well as the usual security measures that come with welcoming a a visiting dignitary, Indian authorities have decided to go one step further, by removing all natural threats to the president as well.
All coconuts around the city's Gandhi museum, one of Mr Obama's stops in the city, are being taken down.
Mani Bhavan, where Mahatma Gandhi stayed during his freedom struggle against the British, is among five places the US president is visiting in Mumbai.
"We told the authorities to remove the dry coconuts from trees near the building. Why take a chance?" Mani Bhavan's executive secretary, Meghshyam Ajgaonkar, told the BBC.
Last week American security officers inspected Mani Bhavan and its surroundings along with other places the president is likely to visit.
Every year in India people are injured or even killed by falling coconuts.
Mr Obama, still smarting from heavy losses in the midterm elections, will visit India, Indonesia, South Korea, Japan and China on the 10-day tour.
Oh - and India's not the only country taking extra precautions. Indonesia will be plugging the caldera of that erupting volcano during Obama's visit, and Japanese officials have negotiated with Godzilla to hold off invading Tokyo until the last week of November. (not true! just kidding...)
Well, never let it be said that Obama hasn't created jobs....unfortunately, they happen to be in India.