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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Anniversary Gifts For Womynpreests

Last night, I read an article at the Press-Citizen.com, about an Iowa City woman who recently celebrated her 1-year fauxrdination as a Roman Catholyc Womynpreest. She and her friends celebrated; baby Jesus cried. That's how it goes.

But it got me thinking - what do you give a womynpreest on the anniversary of her fauxrdination? Is there a list somewhere? What are the dos and don'ts? What's the best gift to commemorate that joyous day?

Believe it or not, no one's come up with a list - I know! It's a outrage!

Now, everybody's familiar with the Wedding Anniversary list, right? There's the standard 'traditional' gift for each year of marriage, and a corresponding 'modern' gift category now.

But it doesn't seem right to co-op that list on behalf of these womynpreests. The Wedding Anniversary list is for couples who have made a life-long commitment to each other, requiring sacrifice and total gift of self, a real and substantial thing. Womynpreests...they're just fooling around. Sure, they're sincere and all, and probably derive some happiness at what they do, but at the end of the day, they're just playin'.

Thus, they need their own list. And I know just the guy to come up with one.

Presenting the AoftheA Womynpreest Fauxrdination Anniversary Gift List. (for years 1-10)

Anniversary #1: Felt, Scissors and a Glue Stick
Anniversary #2: The Complete DVD Series of 'Lost', or 'Lost In Space', or [insert applicable title here]
Anniversary #3: Polyester
Anniversary #4: Pottery
Anniversary #5: Bluehair products
Anniversary #6: Taffeta & Chiffon
Anniversary #7: Pagan worship symbols
Anniversary #8: Millstone
Anniversary #9: Brimstone
Anniversary #10: Hellfire

After Hellfire, what point would there be in giving anything else? Ever?