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Today Is The Day
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New Translation Objections Are Becoming More Ridiculous
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This Comes As No Surprise
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Things A Catholic Ought Never Say
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Sister Patricia: On Seven Quick-Takes Friday
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Just Thought You'd Like To Know...
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Thursday, June 2, 2011

When Do I Get My Month?

June is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Month. It used to just be Gay and Lesbian Pride Month, initiated by former President Clinton in 2000, and then made more inclusive by President Obama in 2009. Of course, it's not totally inclusive, because heterosexuals aren't on the list. (So I won't celebrate it until I'm forced to, which may happen sooner than later...)

In fact, if you read through the list of National Months, there's no National Normal Heterosexuals Month anywhere. How come? Why the discrimination?

There's no National Blogger Month, no Heaven-bound Catholic Pride Month, no Guys Who Love Girls and Girls Who Love Guys Month or anything like that. Where's the justice?

There's nothing close to a National Men's Month, or Men's History Month, either. I'd like to believe it's because it's impossible to celebrate all of the accomplishments that American men have ever made into the span of a mere thirty or thirty-one days...so I'd be cool with a Men's History Summer, or maybe even a National Men's Pride Year (during a leap year, of course, because we need the extra day). But I'm not naive - it's a clear and deliberate sign that Straight Guy's in this nation are at worst not appreciated, or at best, taken for granted.

March is Women's History Month - as well as National Feminine Improvement Month. Two recognitions. Which seems silly to me - I mean, we're supposed to be celebrating the History of Women, right? But then we're also supposed to be recognizing that women need improvement? Is their history so poor that it needs to be improved, and if that's the case, why do we celebrate something that's kinda mediocre? On top of that, there's Women of Achievement Month in September. Why the distinction? Are we supposed to remember the losers in March, and the successful women later in September? Maybe that's why Feminine Improvement Month is in March - things take about six months to improve.

There are over 180 National Month celebrations - so if you don't want to celebrate any particular one, you can choose another. Here are some options for June: National Fresh Fruit and Vegetables Month; Turkey Lover's Month; National Dairy Month; National Iced Tea Month; National Papaya Month (or September); National Candy Month...gosh. All equally lame. Once the NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs end, there's nothing worth celebrating in June.

There's a National Pizza Month and a National Pretzel Month (both in October), but no National Beer Month. That's just wrong.

Hug A Texas Chef Month is in September - tough luck in you're a chef in any of the other 49 states. No hugs for you. Ever.

May is National High Blood Pressure Month and National Hamburger Month - they sorta go together. Throw National Egg Month in there, too. And if they ever come up with National Arterial Sclerosis Awareness Month, it would fit right in.

January is Prune Breakfast Month - there's a Prune lobby? I think I'll pass on that one.

Here's something interesting - Foot Health Month is in March and again in May. One for the right, and the other for the left, I suppose.

National AIDS Awareness Month occurs in October. I dunno - I'd move it to June, but that's just me..............................What?

And I bet you didn't know October is also National Toilet-Tank Repair Month. Our nation commemorates the time-honored custom of repairing toilet tanks. Have things sunk that low? Don't get me wrong - I think we'd all be in deep doo-doo if our toilet tanks weren't repaired. I'm marking this on my calendar right now, and you should too.

Bottom line is this - National Months, for the most part, are inane. Some are politically motivated and others are PC-motivated. Some are the result of lobbying to one degree or another, but at the end of the day month, they don't mean much to most Americans.

But I still want my own month. Half of the county is excluded here. Women, blacks, GLBT's, Hispanics (Oct), Polish-Americans (Oct again), Thai Heritage (April), Latin American (Nov), Asian/Pacific Americans (May) - each with a month or two. So why not Straight Guy Drinking A Beer Pride Month? It's time has come. Who's with me?