Aaarr, mateys! This be Cap'n Malcolm Creed of th' blessed schooner Apostate Bane, sailin' the wide waters of this fair globe seekin' out 'eretical bilge rats aimin' t' scuttle the Barque of St. Peter. Most days I track th' scurvy crew of the NCAAAAARRR, a black spot o' blatherers to be sure. But I have me some time to scrawl out a letter 'ere at the fine blog Acts o' the 'postasy - many thanks t' LarryD. He may be addled in th' 'ead - prolly from too much spoilt grog an' such - but he be a fair carouser, ably defendin' the 'oly Cath'lic Church from all her blaggard foes, aye, that be true.
Ye may be askin' yerself what a sea-farin' Christ-followin' pirate does in his free time. Aye, in th' past, afore my won'drous conversion, I'd pass th' time enjoyin' a jolly keel-haulin' or two, th' 'cassional plank walk as well, and praps some canoodlin' wi' a saucy wench, sharin' a jug of sweet Jamaican rum. But now that I've 'cepted laws of th' Church an' seek to love me neighbor an' not carve 'im with me cutlass, I've changed me ways. Aaarr, I'm still on the account, ne'er 'twill that be changed - I sail fer justice an' peace an' His righteousness, rather than mere pieces o'eight, if ye unnderstan' me thinkin'.
On Sundays an' 'oly Days of Obligation, I put in t' port fer Mass an' showin' honor t' the Lord's Day. I also 'ead t' the village Starbucks (aye, where else would a pirate go?) an' scour th' Innernet fer upliftin' reads t' encourage me faith an' catch up on th' news. Lemme tell ye landlubbers - thar ain't no 'liable 4G cov'rage on the high seas, aye, that be true.
Ye might be in'trested in th' blogs I ascribe to. Here be but a few that I finds more valu'ble than a hold full of gold and more fun than a bottomless cup o' th' finest ale:
The Aaarrrronic Catholic
The Addled Fool O' God
The Dark Lord O' Despair
The Aaarrrrchbold's
Aaaarrrrthomoter
The Grand Duchess O' Idaho
Standin' On Me 'Ead (Tis Better Than Swingin' From Me Neck!)
Kickin' 'n Screamin' (me first thought when I saw this 'ere blog was that i'twere 'bout livin' on th' account, an' how me old enemies acted afore goin' down to Davy's cold locker! Arrr!)
There be plenty others, t' be sure, but I needs t' be headin' back t' sea. Aye, there be good reads 'vailable t' ye landlubbers, but know this: there be none better than th' Good Book isself. In fact, me good mate Fr. Pete 'as a right true version of Psalm 23 - do ye heart right an' read it.
Of course, an Aaarrr Father or two wouldn't hurt ye none either.
