Ill-bread

The following was in my email box this morning. For those of you with a low tolerance for bad puns, you might want to skip this.

On the Jewish New Year, there is a ceremony called Tashlich. Jews traditionally go to the ocean or a stream or river to pray and throw bread crumbs into the water. Symbolically, the fish devour their sins.

Occasionally, people ask what kind of bread crumbs should be thrown.

Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors:

For ordinary sins: White Bread

For erotic sins: French Bread

For particularly dark sins: Pumpernickel

For complex sins: Multi-Grain

For twisted sins: Pretzels

For tasteless sins: Rice Cakes

For sins of indecision: Waffles

For substance abuse: Stoned Wheat

For use of heavy drugs: Poppy Seed

For petty larceny: Stollen

For committing auto theft: Caraway

For timidity/cowardice: Milk Toast

For ill-temperedness: Sourdough

For silliness, eccentricity: Nut Bread

For not giving full value: Shortbread

For jingoism, chauvinism: Yankee Doodles

For excessive irony: Rye Bread

For unnecessary chances: Hero Bread

For warmongering: Kaiser Rolls

For dressing immodestly: Tarts

For causing injury to others: Tortes

For lechery and promiscuity: Hot Buns

For promiscuity with gentiles: Hot Cross Buns

For racist attitudes: Crackers

For sophisticated racism: Ritz Crackers

For being holier than thou: Bagels

For abrasiveness: Grits

For dropping in without notice: Popovers

For gluttony: Stuffing

For impetuosity: Quick Bread

For indecent photography: Cheesecake

For raising your voice too often: Challah

For pride and egotism: Puff Pastry

For sycophancy, butt-kissing: Brownies

For being overly smothering: Angel Food Cake

For laziness: Any long loaf

For trashing the environment: Dumplings

For telling bad jokes/puns: Corn Bread

Corn Bread indeed...

And don't blame me for the jokes. I didn't make them up.

About all I can come up with is...

For lying about your weight: Graham Crackers

For liking bad bread puns: Doughnuts